#18 Poem: Get up, myself

Through all the negativity
Spits right on to my face
I cowardly withdraw
To the corner of despair.

I thought I was defeated
I thought I was lost
Never in my life
I have ever been so wrong.

I gather my courage
Shed the dried tears on my face
Taking a deep breath and letting go
I force myself to stand up.

No, I don't have to look up
This is not a drama
This is my own life
Looking forward ahead is what I've gotta do.

Say whatever you wanna say
I'll take the good
And ignoring the bad
I am walking on my own path.

I might be slow but it is okay
I will speed up when I need to
But I am going forward
To the unknown future.

But I am not scared anymore
Because I believe in me
And people who loved and support me
For who I truly am.

14th August 2013.

#13 Be the light

"We can't choose the reason why.. But we can choose what to do in the day after,

So with that hope, with that determination.. Let's make tomorrow a brighter place"

~ Taka [Be the Light song]

I was told that "You're slow" several times by my supervisors (SV). It was kind of demotivating me when it was said over and over again. I was like, "Can you try to motivate me better?"
But then again, I am thankful to God for giving me intuition to meet sis Pojy for breakfast yesterday. I told her how demotivated I felt. Then, she told me to be positive in looking at things. Maybe I don't see what our supervisors see. Maybe my perspective is not as wide as theirs. As painful as it is, she said to me, it will be better if I tried to take their words in positively. Because somehow I can show them what I am capable of instead of whining endlessly. 

courtesy of Wisdom Quotes (FB)

Yeah, it is not VERY easy to receive something, especially advice from people. I felt that, honestly. It felt like there is some kind of EGO within me that wanted to shout "I am right! Not anyone else! I am at no fault!". But restraining myself hard, I thought about how I felt inside. Just thinking to myself and self-evaluating. No, I am not going to let myself loose simply based on my anger and emotions. Yes, maybe I seek company from sis Pojy so that I could probably be 'bitching' about my supervisors - in a way showing that I was totally right and they are totally wrong. It may makes me feel good at that moment, but will it still be when I realized that I am not entirely right? And by talking about them behind is already a wrong thing to do.

So, I am thankful that I stopped myself from doing something foolish. Something I might regret. 

Today, I finished up the draft of my paperwork. My main SV messaged me and asked me about it. I said I would show it by today. So, I tried my best to complete my draft. After talking to my colleague, he gave me some ideas and I made a new draft but took most content from my previous draft. By evening, I was able to finished my draft and show it to my SV. She said she got my main idea and asked me to update it with the things we've discussed. I'm thankful and glad. Things turned out to be positive and okay.  I've stopped myself, I don't feel regret which is won't haunt me forever after this. Hah! :D

*the strongest person is one who is able to hold his/her anger* :) Be the light, be positive.